Loose Pieces
by nlizzette7
Summary: Freddie wants to fix. Effy wants to destroy. It's an insoluble equation. Unless one chooses. A series of Freffy drabble that takes place throughout the seasons, some AU. Rated T for language and adult situations.
1. The Collision

"Well, the devil's got my number, and the devil's got my size. And the devil got my head, the devil got my eyes. I'm trying hard to get up, lest he make it to my heart. 'Cause I want to make it back from the dark, dark, dark." **- Say Hi** **(****_Devils_****)**

* * *

Effy and Freddie collide like magnets. Polar opposites. Negative and positive. Repel and attract. Effy and Freddie should've never…

But they did.

You see, she just wants to _destroy, destroy, destroy. _She wants to ruin herself before anyone else can beat her to it. Tony nearly did. Loving her brother nearly killed her. It opened her mouth, and now she can't hide her words from the world. It left her weak.

She can't be weak again. She might not survive it.

But Freddie's different. Freddie has a heart. Freddie has a heart that works, one that loved his mum more than anything. But she's gone now, and all that love feels wasted. Yeah, he loves his dad. _Pick up your clothes do your coursework stop skating around._ He loves his sister. _Do I look hot in this dad Freddie's bothering me bugger off._ His best friends. _Cook wants to go there Cook wants to do this Cook Cook Cook._

But that isn't the love that stays up all night. Not the love that whispers secret things. It isn't the kind of love that would do anything and everything.

But now he sees her.

And she sees him.

And he's thinking that his mum would have loved her. Same mysterious smile. Same mischievous eyes.

She's wondering how long it'll take her to break his heart.

* * *

Turns out that it only takes her a few hours.

What was it that they said about Effy? _It's like easy to get in her bed, but it's impossible to get inside her head._

The first time they ever speak is the start of her game. And Freddie knows that their story will not be _once upon a time happily ever after the end_.

It will be a deep dark hole. A spider's web. And Freddie's trapped in it because _those eyes are just…her hair is like…_

And through it all, she's smiling.

Because it's easy to change the rules of your own game.

* * *

Then there is this:

_I met a girl I like today. She's like…beautiful._

He says the words once, but she hears them one thousand times. Her heart pulses. It flutters. She's starting to feel. She's starting to remember what love is. What love always starts with.

But love is scared. It is imperfect. It hesitates.

It makes her do things like choose Cook. Hard kissing and no thinking, and it's exactly what she needs. Against the door, then to the desk. _Don't leave a mark, touch me there, oh Cook._ It numbs everything, it makes her scream, and then it is over. _Exhale._

But the "after" is empty. It is a silent room and pulling on clothing and not meeting each other's eyes. And then _catch you later._ Not even a kiss on the cheek. Not even a look back. Just a door closing – _slamming _- shut.

She stays after he leaves. She lies back down on the desk, thinking of nothing. Then nothing becomes Freddie. And she wonders what the "after" would be like with Freddie. Probably kind words and peaceful sleep and _spooning_.

She decides to go back to nothing. Nothing is safer.

* * *

Freddie knows. No one has to tell him. He can see it in the crumpled up, checked-off list tossed on the floor when he's leaving class. He can see it in Cook's wide grin, all _I just got laid I just got laid I just got laid_. [Effy's not the only one who wins the game, you know?]

He can see it in the way that Effy's not there.

He decides that he hates her.

* * *

"Freddie, is it?"

And there is a tap on the shoulder, a girl named Effy, and blue eyes. He forgets that he hates her for a second, and he just nods.

"You didn't fill it out."

_Fill…out?_

"The form. You didn't fill out the form."

_No, he didn't fill out the form._

He follows her out of school and to the front. And JJ is waiting. And Pandora is waiting. And now is the moment. He should say something. He should just –

"See you at Cook's party then, yeah?" she says, and she makes sure she brushes past him as she walks away. Then there is electricity.

_And imagine if it was more than just a brush of the arm. Imagine if it was Freddie's bed, Freddie's floor, Freddie's kitchen table. Blue eyes on hazel ones. And an entire future that will probably never happen._

Freddie decides that he doesn't hate Effy at all.

He decides that he might love her. Forever.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

I hope you enjoyed a bit of my Freffy drabble. So much of their relationship is based on subtle glances and smiles. This is just my take on how they fell in love and what parts of the relationship we missed during other character's episodes.

Anyway, this started off as a one-shot, but I might take it through the whole series with some AU. I would really appreciate your feedback, as to whether you like the drabble style and whether I should continue on.


	2. The Big Bang

"But it's just the price I pay. Destiny is calling me. Open up my eager eyes 'cause I'm Mr. Brightside." **– The Killers (****_Mr. Brightside_****)**

* * *

It's like Freddie's never had a crush on a girl before. It's like he's never seen blue eyes or fishnet stockings or…

But he really hasn't. Not like they are on Effy.

So he does what teenage boys do, late at night when the air is quiet, and the rest of the house is asleep, his mind screams _Effy_.

But his lips only whisper it.

But not tonight. It's nearly morning, and he hasn't slept yet. His phone is buzzing on his nightstand, and he looks at the screen three times before he can believe the name that's flashing on it.

"Effy?"

_Oh fuck, you fucking creep. She doesn't know that you got her number from her ditzy friend. She's going to think – She's going to_ _say – _

"Freddie."

_But she's the one who called me first._

The next hour belongs to them. Her shallow breath, broken up by his crap cell reception. His thumping heart – _thumping_ – really. And the whole time he's got his eyes shut tight like he's somewhere else with Effy.

He asks her why she called, but she never does tell him. She never tells him how she got his number either. Instead, she whispers secrets. _My brother, Tony…I never used to talk_…_I hear words go past me backwards _and _sometimes I'm afraid. _And Freddie just breathes it all in, catching bits and pieces of information for later.

He has to remember all of it.

Then it all stops. The other line is quiet. He almost thinks she's hung up, but she says one more thing.

"It doesn't change anything, Freddie. This doesn't change a thing."

"Effy – "

_Click_.

And he's left wondering if it ever happened at all.

With Effy, he'll never be sure.

* * *

Sometimes, Effy likes to pretend she's dead. Every other morning, she sits on the edge of her rooftop and jumps in her mind. It's a little too messy for her taste, but at least she goes out with a bang.

_Boom_. The girl is gone.

Then she climbs the window back into her room and hears the imaginary reactions. People screaming her name and sirens and crying and church bells and stupid speeches and dirt hitting a casket.

_Well, shouldn't they have fucking known? The girl didn't talk for fourteen years._

The whole thing gives Effy peace. It ties her to the earth. It reminds her that there was Elizabeth Stonem before there was _Effy_. It reminds her that she's real.

The morning after she calls Freddie, she doesn't do it. She just wakes up and rolls over and starts to get ready. She pays more attention to her makeup and less attention to the bottle of Jack that's tucked under her pillow.

_Oh, fuck_.

She likes him.

* * *

At Cook's party, there are just stolen glances and revelations.

_First, the glances._

It's like Effy's speaking to him with her eyes. It's like she didn't talk for so long that she learned to communicate without her voice. Freddie eats it all up, takes what she gives him, waits for what happens next.

_And Effy loves it._

At some point, in some place, they end up on the dance floor. Freddie swears that he's rhythmically retarded because none of his limbs work around Effy. So she does it all herself, presses her back against his front, intertwines their fingers, touches him touching her. They sway together, she closes her eyes and smiles an open-mouthed smile.

If there is music, Freddie can't hear it. There is only Effy.

* * *

_Then, the revelations._

Cook shits on everything, and this is no exception. The joy on his fucking face when:

"You shagged Effy? When?"

"The first day I met her."

_The first day. The first day. _But the night after…

He doesn't know whether to puke his guts out or _punch _Cook's out.

And Cook is smiling because he always gets the girl.

And Effy is smiling because she always gets _everything_.

And what does Freddie get? Freddie gets subtle smiles, secret conversations, and the glance she throws him when she rejects Cook at the end of the night.

But with Effy, you never really know.


	3. The Almost

"It feels like I am just too close to love you. There's nothing I can really say. I can't lie no more, I can't hide no more. I've got to be true to myself. It feels like I am much too close to love you, so I'll be on my way." **- Alex Clare (****_Too Close_****)**

* * *

He's not Cook. _He's not Cook_.

Fuck.

It's happening again. Freddie's lying there in bed, thinking about _them_. Cook and Effy. – _Well, fuck. Their names don't even go together like Effy and Freddie's do. So there. – _

He doesn't do it on purpose. He's no masochist. It always starts with Freddie and Effy in the nurse's office. Freddie's the one with the false bravado. Freddie's the one who checks off that list. Freddie's the one who walks out of class – _right out of class _– to go see Effy.

Freddie's the one.

So that's how it starts.

Then he's touching Effy, like everywhere. Not just breasts and ass, not diving in like any guy would. Freddie's all about the slope of her cheek, the curve of her back, the hitch of her knee. And Effy's eating it up.

But he's not just imagining himself.

He's imagining Effy and Effy's lips and _Effy's lips down his face to his neck then his chest. _And there are small bites there and here, and Freddie can only imagine that this is what heaven has to be.

And then they're going at it. Right on the desk. Something Freddie would never do, but he's doing it. But it's like the air is different. It's like something's not right. It's like something doesn't match because...

_Cook, yeah. Oh, Cook. Cook._

He's not Cook.

_Of course you're Cook. Look._

He glances up, catches his reflection on a cabinet.

He's not Freddie. He's blonde hair, blue eyes, sloppy face, wicked grin.

He's Cook.

_Because he can't even have his own fucking dream_.

* * *

Effy needs Tony.

But no one needs Effy because:

_What is it, Eff?_

She just wants to talk.

_I haven't got a lot of time. About what?_

Well, their parents are splitting up. It's just –

_Shitty, yeah. Heard mum shagged his boss. Fucking crazy is what that is._

Yeah, but Effy hasn't been taking it too well. She hears things in her head. She's starting to crack, like…

_I've actually got to go now, Eff. Tough up, yeah? Talk to you later._

Okay. But she needs him to wait just one second. Just one.

_Click_.

Because nobody needs Effy.

* * *

It's Tommo's gig tonight. Time to get so fucking trashed. Time to forget.

(_Time to see Freddy._)

It's Tommo's gig tonight. Time to tell Cook to fuck off. Time to get wasted.

(_Time to see Effy._)

And all night they tiptoe around each other like it's choreographed. Effy glances, Freddie smiles, always two feet away. One foot away. Cook doesn't notice. Cook doesn't give a shit.

_We don't give a shit either, Cook._

Effy numbs the pain with this new drug that's really great and she's just _so _high off it because it's making her jump off the walls and dance her arse off and twirl around like mad and go mental.

It's called _Freddie_.

Heard of it?

* * *

The night ends like a song with no lyrics.

And the last note goes like this:

"Had fun?" he whispers.

_Quiet moment. Empty corner of the room._

"Don't be such a wanker, Freddie."

_Laughter that fades into a smile that doesn't fade at all._

"We wouldn't win," she says

_They wouldn't win?_

"If we were together, we wouldn't win."

_What the fuck?_

"What?"

* * *

Effy doesn't respond, Effy never fucking responds, that quiet shit is just so fucking stupid. And where is she going? Why's she walking away? And who's the fucking wanker taking her home?

And the song ends.

_It's just like fucking hell, you know?_


	4. The Spill

"I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose. Fire away, fire away. Ricochet, you take your aim. Fire away, fire away." **– David Guetta (Titanium ft. Sia)**

* * *

Effy doesn't have to dial Freddie's number. Just an F – R – and then his name lights up on the screen. It's that easy. One minute she's alone in her room with a half empty bottle of vodka, the next she's with Freddie in her room with a half _full _bottle of vodka.

"Hello?" His voice is sleepy and adorable, and it gives her a heart and breaks it at the same time. She bites her lip, stares up at the ceiling. _Freddie, I feel so alone and everything is fucked up and I'm sorry, so sorry about what happened, but you're the only person I want to talk to._

"Effy? You there? What is it?" he asks again. She lets out a breath – no words, just exhales – to let him know that she's there. What's wrong with her? Why's everything so fucked up? Why can't she ever find the words?

"Effy, talk to me. _I'm here_."

He's there. He's there, and that scares her. Her father was _there_, and now he's gone. Tony was _there_, and now he's not.

If she holds Freddie at an arm's length, if he's never really hers, if he's not actually _there, _then he'll never leave.

Effy nods at the ceiling because _it makes sense, it really does_.

And she hangs up the phone.

* * *

But that's how the day ends.

Effy's day begins with a different kind of ending. The ending of a marriage. "_Are you so uncreative that you would shag my boss?" "I'm leaving, I can't do this anymore." "Fine, go. See if I care."_

They should see if Effy cares.

Maybe it wouldn't have been so bad if Pandora hadn't been there. Effy can handle things [avoid things] when's she's on her own. Effy can pretend anything she wants. In her head, she can go anywhere with rolled up paper between her lips and smoke filling her lungs.

But not with Pandora there, making it so fucking _real_. And Effy tries to run away from her, tries to run away from everything. But Pandora is always a footstep behind, always such a good friend. Maybe Effy should try a little harder. Maybe Effy should be a good friend too. She tries it out in her head.

_No, Pandora. You're not useless. You're my best friend._

But the words don't come out right.

They just remind Effy of the reason she stopped talking in the first place.

* * *

Pandora's party is going to be one of those unbearable things. She wishes that Pandora had understood that from the beginning. _I'm Effy Stonem. I don't do slumber parties or pink or friends._

_I do drugs._

_So the first will probably be followed directly by the second._

So they spike the brownies. And suddenly Effy is in a world of rock music and dizzy minds, and she even imagines that Cook is in the window, watching her undress. And the whole thing is just bloody amazing. There are no parents, no love triangles, no bad best friends. No horrible brothers, no nurse office sex, no cheating with bosses.

Just _fun_.

But it turns out that Effy can't feel an emotion without everything going up in flames. The minute she feels happy, the minute she's enjoying herself – there's a passed out mother, a crying Pandora, and a house party that's destroying everything.

It turns out that Effy Stonem is not allowed to forget.

It just isn't written in the cards.

* * *

And then she finds Cook. She thinks that the real Effy is probably passed out on the floor/in a bathroom/on the front lawn. Because finding this little piece of escape, finding Cook, it's just _too good_. Too fucking convenient.

No, this is dream Effy.

Dream Effy gets dragged into the dark. Dream Effy pulls up these stupid pink pajamas. Dream Effy closes her eyes and hits the wall again and again and again. She doesn't feel anything. She doesn't even feel Cook.

_And then something cracks against her._

"Cook, wait."

_The wall is cracking, it's starting to crumble against her back._

"Something's breaking."

_These are some top dollar drugs._

They fall together, collapse right through the wall and back into their weird, twisted reality.

"What the _fuck_?"

Because you can't dream forever.

* * *

Freddie's here.

_Freddie's here Freddie's here Freddie's here._

Holy shit.

Effy doesn't even think before she stumbles out, following behind him. She forgets where she is and who she is [and what the fuck is she wearing?] Because –

"Freddie, you came."

But he's not happy. He's _not _happy to see her. His words bite at her, and for the first time Freddie isn't staring at her like a puppy dog. Freddie isn't hanging on her every word.

Freddie's mad.

Freddie's calling her out on her bullshit.

And she tries to dodge it like he's spewing bullets, tries to change the subject because this _can't _be happening.

But he's not buying it. He's seeing right through Effy's façade, he's breaking right through her surface. He's seeing all of the destructive, terrible things inside of her.

"I didn't mean to fuck everything up."

_Stop it, Effy. Don't be weak._

"My parents are splitting up," she says, reaching for anything she can rack her brain to find. "I got trashed."

She nearly claps her hands over her mouth, almost reaches into the air to take the words back.

But she can't.

And Freddie feels bad for her, he does. But he still walks away.

And Effy's left with a fading buzz, a pants-less outfit, and exactly what she wanted in the first place.

_Alone._

* * *

When she finally makes her way home, stumbles into bed, she tries to make everything go away. She squeezes her eyes tight, runs to the bathroom to throw up her problems. And she doesn't want to admit it, but she just wants to talk. She _needs _to fucking talk to someone before everything spills over and she explodes.

Not Panda.

Not Cook.

She remembers Freddie. She remembers the way he looked back one last time before taking off in that cab with JJ. That's more than a look for Effy.

That's _hope_.

* * *

Effy doesn't have to dial his number. Just an F – R – and then his name lights up on the screen. That easy.


End file.
